The Harder You Try to Sleep, the More Awake You Become
The Paradoxical Intention + Meditation Combo That Finally Worked for Me
Some people have a natural talent for falling asleep. They lie down, close their eyes, and drift off effortlessly.
But if you’re like many modern adults juggling stress, screens, and a restless mind, sleep becomes something you try to achieve—stressfully, desperately, anxiously.
And here’s the paradox:
The harder you try to fall asleep, the faster sleep runs away from you.
In those days when I didn’t know the strategies I’m about to share, getting to sleep was the nightmare itself. It felt like a battle between me and the dragon of insomnia. And the more I cared about “falling asleep fast,” the more awake I stayed.
The solution that finally helped me wasn’t melatonin, supplements, a fancy mattress, or guided sleep meditation. (I tried those—guided sleep meditations worked sometimes, but not consistently.)
The real solution was counterintuitive, almost absurd:
Stop trying to fall asleep.
But how do you actually do that? Let’s explore.
The Vicious Cycle of “Trying to Sleep”
If you’ve ever watched the clock tick past midnight, 12:30 → 1:00 → 1:45 → 2:20, and felt your anxiety rising, you know this pain.
This was me during a depressive period at my previous job. The job was demanding and stressful, and I strongly linked my performance with my energy level. So failing to sleep triggered a cascade of worries:
I’ll be exhausted tomorrow.
I won’t have energy for work.
I’m going to mess up that meeting.
My whole day will be ruined.
At first, the worry hides in the background. But as the minutes pass, it moves into the spotlight. Soon my mind becomes tense. The body follows. My nervous system decides, “We’re in danger,” and refuses to relax.
Just like you can’t sleep in a forest while fearing a bear, you can’t sleep at home while fearing tomorrow.
My mind spun with thoughts, memories, regrets, and anxiety about whether I could perform well the next day. The negativity prevented me from falling asleep, and the longer I failed to sleep, the more negativity was generated.
Here’s the truth:
When you struggle to fall asleep, the struggle itself is what prevents sleep.
The struggle shows up in the mind as negative thoughts, and in the body as tension.
Not falling asleep → struggle → struggle blocks sleep → no sleep increases struggle → more struggle blocks sleep…
A vicious cycle.
So how do we break the cycle?
We must stop struggling.
How do we stop struggling?
Let’s continue.
Before the Combo: Lay the Groundwork with Better Habits
One thing must be clear: if you scroll TikTok, reply to messages, or watch YouTube in bed, your brain will not calm down.
Blue light tells the brain “it’s daytime.”
Constant novelty overstimulates you.
Social media scatters your attention.
One simple hack helps a lot:
Move your phone charger away from your bed.
If your charger is across the room, you cannot mindlessly pick up your phone. You can set emergency-call exceptions on your device, so loved ones can still reach you, but apps won’t disturb you.
This single habit lays the foundation.
For many people, reducing mental stimulation before bed is half the solution.
When Good Habits Don’t Work, Try Paradoxical Intention
When the “no phone before bed” hack didn’t fully solve my issue, I discovered something life-changing.
A psychological technique so strange I didn’t believe it at first.
Yet it worked—again and again.
It’s called Paradoxical Intention, first introduced by Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning.
Paradoxical intention means this: instead of trying to fall asleep… you try to stay awake.
Seriously.
Why does this work?
When your goal is to “fall asleep quickly,” any moment of not sleeping feels like failure. This perceived failure creates struggle, which blocks sleep, feeding the vicious cycle.
Paradoxical intention removes the struggle entirely.
If your new goal is to stay awake, then:
Staying awake = success
Falling asleep = you “failed”… (a happy failure though)
So It’s either success of happy failure. Suddenly the pressure evaporates. Your mind relaxes. Your body follows. Your nervous system detects no struggle and shifts into rest mode.
Sleep sneaks up behind you.
The easiest way to implement this is to read a paper book while “trying to stay awake” for 20–30 minutes.
Think of people who sleep well—they sit comfortably reading a book, enjoying themselves, until they yawn and drift off. No struggle.
But paradoxical intention becomes even more powerful when paired with meditation.
The Combo: Pair Meditation With Paradoxical Intention for Maximum Effect
I tried guided sleep meditations—press play, lie down, close my eyes. Sometimes they worked, but often they didn’t.
Why?
Because I was still struggling. I used the guided meditation as a desperate attempt to force sleep, which kept the struggle alive.
To break the cycle, you must truly shift your intention away from sleep. One option is reading. Another is meditating in bed—not to sleep, but to stay awake and meditate.
But here’s the key:
You must sincerely intend to stay awake and meditate.
Use an upright posture. Straighten your spine. Keep your eyes open if that helps.
Any meditation technique works because paradoxical intention is doing most of the work.
But for sleep, one technique works exceptionally well:
Feel-Rest Meditation
The focus object is the restful quality in your body.
Scan your body and notice:
where tension is releasing
where the breath feels soothing
where your limbs feel still
neutral areas like your toes or earlobes
When you get lost in thought, gently return to the restful quality.
This dissolves both components of the struggle:
struggling thoughts
struggling body sensations
Paradoxical intention removes the need to struggle.
Feel-Rest meditation dissolves the struggle itself.
Together, they are extremely powerful.
Even If You Don’t Sleep, You Still Get Recharged
Here’s what people underestimate:
Meditation can recharge you more than you expect.
What we really want is not “sleep hours.” We want renewed energy the next day. But sleep doesn’t always provide that. Someone can sleep eight hours full of nightmares and wake up exhausted.
Meditation, however, reliably helps reset your energy. If you’ve ever taken a five-minute meditation break during the day and felt better afterward, you know exactly what I mean.
And you may wonder: If I meditate and fail to sleep, am I really succeeding? I only succeeded in my “stay awake” intention—which was fake anyway.
Well, yes. Because if you meditate, you’re not only succeeding in the “fake intention,” you’re also succeeding in actually practicing meditation. And on nights when sleep doesn’t come easily, you may end up meditating longer than on your “good sleep” days—meaning deeper practice, more clarity, and more emotional release.
Even in the worst case scenario, when you can’t sleep but you meditate for an hour or two, you still rest and recharge more, and suffer less, than if you were struggling in bed.
You cannot lose.
Now I’d Love to Hear from You
What’s your relationship with sleep like?
Have you tried paradoxical intention or meditating before bed?
What helps you unwind when your mind won’t stop?
Share your experience—I reply to every message.
"Some people have a natural talent for falling asleep. They lie down, close their eyes, and drift off effortlessly."
This is my wife, almost every night.
Me on the other hand? I'm still working on it.
Great article btw! I do find meditating during the day helps me feel recharged, and meditating before bed usually helps me ease into the hours of slumber much easier.
I love the simplicity and practicality of this article, Muse. Thanks for writing it!
I can imagine many will find this helpful. Including me!