How Mindfulness Meditation Freed Me from Depression and Anxiety Symptoms

and Is Guiding Me Toward Inner Fulfillment

Many people start meditation to help with anxiety or depression. I’m sure you’ve heard stories like that.

Well, that wasn’t the case for me.

When I was diagnosed with moderate depression and anxiety symptoms in 2024, I had already been meditating for over 10 years—since 2013. I even had a profound spiritual experience in 2015, during a Co-Active coaching training class, where I felt unconditional love for people—not personal love, but something much higher.

Yet I still fell into the pit of depression and anxiety.

The doctor said she would record it as "symptoms" instead of a disorder, since it was my first visit. She seemed concerned about labeling it—probably so I wouldn’t identify with it and make things worse. She also prescribed medication.

You might wonder: with your spiritual awakening and longtime meditation practice, how could you get that bad?

Looking back, I’d say that without those experiences, I probably would’ve been diagnosed with a full-blown disorder. In other words, I wouldn’t have been able to function.

But I could still function okay. And fortunately, I recovered fairly quickly.

I took medication for one month before deciding I didn’t want to rely on it, so I stopped. I also tried some talk therapy. But the real turning point came during a spontaneous two-hour sitting meditation.

After that, something shifted. I knew I had started to recover. A few months later, I got a new job and left the toxic work environment behind.

I’ve found again and again: when an inner shift happens, outer changes follow—new environments, new opportunities.

Life just kept getting better.

I’m happier, calmer, more present with my family. I feel more relaxed throughout the day. I no longer live with a vague sense that danger is lurking somewhere. I enjoy watching life unfold, no matter where it goes.

That old feeling of “I’m not enough” and needing to prove something? It’s gone.

That doesn’t mean I no longer experience negativity—I do. But now I face it with a certain level of inner peace, even fulfillment, because I trust that the mindful way of relating to pain helps me grow.

It felt like I dipped my toes into hell, got burned, and then quickly lifted myself up and flew higher than before.

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The Yang of How Meditation Works

There are two ways meditation helps improve your life. Most people understand the yang side. The yin side is more subtle—but sometimes the subtle is significant. It can lead to massive change.

The yang side is the intentional practice of training attention, which includes concentration, sensory clarity, and equanimity.

Concentration is your ability to focus attention on a chosen subject. Sensory clarity is your ability to track your experience in real time. Equanimity is your ability to not cling to pleasurable experiences and not resist unpleasant ones.

With these skills, you become more aware of the subtle pleasures in daily life instead of constantly being lost in thought. You’re also able to meet challenging emotions with less resistance, so they don’t escalate into crises.

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The Yin of How Meditation Works

The yin side is the natural release of suppressed negative emotions, thoughts, and destructive beliefs from your unconscious.

Let’s just call them garbage.

The more you practice mindfulness, the more you tell your unconscious: “I’m ready to clean up the neglected garbage deep down.” So more of it comes up.

Our being wants to return to its natural wellness. The yang practice gives it permission.

This is why when some people begin serious spiritual practices, things seem to get worse at first.

Sometimes you need to feel worse to feel better. It’s like acupuncture—it hurts when the needle goes in, but then the qi flows and you heal.

For me, all the meditation I did before the anxiety and depression functioned as a catalyst to get the yin side of the practice working—bringing up a big piece of negative energy to be released.

I fully understood this after reading Shinzen Young’s story, a prominent meditation teacher. He was at Mr. Goenka’s meditation center when depressive sensations began to arise. He hadn’t experienced them since his twenties. Then it came to him: he was not depressed—this was just old stuff breaking up and percolating to the surface.

It was very painful during that period, but in hindsight, it was definitely worth it. Because after that big chunk of garbage was cleaned up, life became 10 times better than before the anxiety and depression.

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What Garbage Looks Like

I grew up in China, where academic performance was heavily emphasized.

In elementary school, I was enrolled in an Olympic math extracurricular class. Seats were arranged according to exam scores, so it was easy to see who was considered “good” and who was “bad.” The standard for these labels was based entirely on the score you received.

I was one of the “bad” students.

And the “bad” students were treated accordingly—harshly—by teachers and even some top students. I still remember the disdainful remarks and facial expressions.

So I carried the belief that I’m flawed, and emotions like shame and anger. That’s part of my “garbage.” Of course, it didn’t just come from one class—but you get the idea.

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The Many Ways We Avoid Facing the Garbage

Naturally, we all want to avoid pain. But facing it is how emotional healing works.

A common way is suppression. And meditation weakens our suppression mechanisms—so pain starts to surface.

Another way is compensation. Emotional pain feeds the belief that we’re flawed, so we chase achievement—more money, a bigger house, greater respect, an attractive partner—to prove our worth.

Or we escape through endless entertainment and doomscrolling. During my depression, I sometimes stayed on my phone until 2 or 3 a.m., even knowing I had to work the next day.

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You Must Be Willing to Handle the Garbage—The Mechanism of Surrender

That two-hour sit? It was the moment I finally faced the garbage using the mechanism of surrender.

The mechanism is simple: apply mindfulness to your experience. Even invite more of it in—no matter how painful.

Instead of saying, “The world wronged me,” or “I’m broken,” you say, “There’s stored garbage inside me. As long as I’m willing to face it, it will be cleared. Wellness is my natural state.”

No need to achieve more to feel worthy. No need to acquire more to feel secure.

You just observe negative feelings in your body, watching how they change moment to moment. You witness negative thoughts without chasing them. This is the mechanism of surrender described by David R. Hawkins in Letting Go.

Observing negative feelings releases the energy behind them. Once the energy is released, not only do you feel better, but your negative thoughts also disappear.

It makes intuitive sense. The hardest thing is facing our feelings—and the hardest things often bring the biggest returns.

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The 4 Pillars That Made It Work

The first three pillars are all about faith. Everyone needs some form of faith to live—even atheists have faith they’ll wake up tomorrow.

1. Faith in your intrinsic wholeness.
You are already whole. Nothing to fix. As A Course in Miracles says: “You are as God created you.” This faith helps you persist through the surrender process. Because in the end, you won’t find more garbage—you’ll find your perfect wholeness.

2. Faith in the surrender mechanism.
All negative thoughts arise from suppressed emotions. You must release the energy behind those emotions to get better, rather than only focusing on changing your thoughts. David R. Hawkins and Michael A. Singer teach this well.

3. Faith that you are only given what you can handle.
That two-hour sit was painful. I took breaks, but I kept returning because I believed I was ready to release that chunk. It was a turning point—but not the last. I’ve sat with more pain since.

And I kept at it because I have faith that I’m only given what I’m able to handle. When it’s given to you, it means you’re ready.

4. Mindfulness skill.
Observing intense emotions and thoughts without resistance takes real training. Your daily meditation builds this skill.

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The Way to Fulfillment

The way to fulfillment is not about having more, doing more, or even doing meaningful things just to feel life has meaning.

Meaning isn’t in what you have or do. It’s in your existence—you are already perfect, exactly as you were created.

If you don’t feel it, it’s because of the garbage blocking your light—like clouds hiding the sun.

Fulfillment comes through mindfulness and surrender.

The more you practice, the more you uncover your intrinsic joy. The more you let suppressed negativity surface and be released.

The right path to fulfillment is not without pain or lined with roses.

The right path to fulfillment is, itself, fulfilling.